DINNER BY heston blumenthal

In a curious turn of events, I am including this menu submitted by C from a highly regarded London eating establishment where I myself would be neither authorized to dine, nor able to afford. It's called "DINNER: BY heston blumenthal" and it is a primeval relic of British eating bygones. A fine piece of reading material, and as I perused, I found myself full of envy at my sister's good fortune to choose from this list not once, but twice in two sittings- to retread past paths and counter errors in ordering judgment. Take a look:

See, I mean, what would you order? The dishes are startling, intriguing, and English as heck. Cucumber ketchup? Beef Royal? No wonder they get the bad rap over there on their island. In an effort to restore national cuisine, Blumenthal had to return to their origins of wacky castle-storming fare. I can picture the banquet hall, laden with Meat Fruit (c.1500) and Spiced Pigeon (c.1830); the faces of corpulent royalty dripping in Porridge (c.1660) before they delve into their individual Taffety Tarts (c.1660). Well, in case it helps you decide, here are the origins of the dishes (click to zoom):

I'm impressed with this approach to retro dining chic. But that still doesn't mean I'll ever get to eat here. Oh, bankers and their fancery.